Sta.sh
You can't tell me
that my writing is wrong.
It might be for you
But for me it will live, forever strong
You can't tell me
that my words are not right.
They might not be prefect
But I'll still put up a fight
You can't tell me
my rhymes are too mix-matched.
Its just because they are not yours
To me they do not lack
You can't tell me
I did not try my best.
Who are you to evaluate?
Its not like its a test
You can't tell me
that I didn't follow a rule.
Creativity has no list
I think you are a fool
You can't tell me
that I didn't emote at all.
How can you tell me what I feel?
Its not like I'm a doll
You cant tell me
everything that I should.
How can you think you know everything?
And think you know whats "good"?
Craigbutt,
are you becoming a hipster? D8
If you want recognition instead of suggestions for how to improve your craft, by all means, ignore your teacher and keep whining on DA because people seem to like you here.
Wonderful poem I know the feeling! >: (
Also, as far as this goes: "all the mainstream kids get by but creativity is almost completely ignored"
So, it's wrong for a teacher to criticize your work (which is his/her job), but it's okay for you to deprecate another's work? Doesn't make sense to me.
Now, I'm going to be criticizing you, which I do realize has a touch of irony to it, brace yourself.
As far as your piece goes, I'm going to be honest, and tell you that I find it to be a very formulaic poem. I like your idea, but I feel like it's not fleshed out enough, like you're only touching the surface. It's not that I didn't enjoy it, because I did, but that I feel like there's so much more you could do with it.
I liked this line: "How can you tell me what I feel?
Its not like I'm a doll"
It's a good visual, very fitting for the piece, but the stanza itself lacks flow, and reads kind of awkwardly.
You seem trapped in your rhyme scheme, writing things just to keep your rhyme scheme going. It seems mostly obvious in your second, fifth, and sixth stanzas. They don't seem to have any flow to them. Any time you are going to be doing a rhyming poem, it comes off much more naturally to try to rhyme based on what you're writing, not writing based on what you're rhyming. If you can't find a natural sounding rhyme, you're better off trying to restructure your sentences, picking a different word, or something. Don't try and force it. Rhyme schemes can be limiting, but once you've got some more practice with them under your belt, you'll find it a much more natural process.
Also, you have some spelling mistakes. Mix-matched isn't a real term, I think you were looking for mismatched. You have a few "its" in there, which should be "it's." Also, a can't without a comma, and your last "whats" should be a "what's" or a "what is."
I don't mean to come off as harsh, but you have obvious potential, and shouldn't let yourself become stagnant. Always look to grow as an artist, and use these things to improve yourself.
That's sort of true though. Just from experience. It's true with every class and every school I've been to. Not saying I'm good at everything, but it just doesn't seem right when a kid writes their friends' name on notebook paper then decorates it with little stars and gets a "Oh, Sabrina, that looks really nice!" from some teacher while I'm sitting here trying to work on hand/head proportions.